2013 has been described as the year of transformation. With many of us facing things that we rather not have faced and developing a burning need to resolve and let go. It was in a sense a year of resolve. I’ve written some of my thoughts on what I learnt from the year and how it’s changed me.
It’s tough to write a review on an entire year. But I’ll try because I think 2013 deserves it. This has been a pivotal year in my life for a variety of reasons but they all boil down to one very big theme.
The concept of worthiness.
I’ve always been trying in a sense to figure myself out. Why I do the things I do, why my life has led me down the path it has. And I know everyone asks these questions at some point. But for me, it has in a sense become a sort of an obsession.
I was watching a clip in the Matrix the other day and it brought so much light to the entire process. It’s a scene in which Neo (the protagonist) sits next to the Oracle to talk (His “spiritual guide”) about his choices. And as they speak she offers him a piece of candy.
Neo looks at it and asks, “You already know if I’m going to take it?”
Oracle: “Wouldn’t be much of an Oracle if I didn’t”
Neo: “But if you already know, how can I make a choice?”
Oracle: “Because you didn’t come here to make the choice. You’ve already made it. You’re here to try to understand why you made it. I thought you’d have figured that out by now..”
Umm….no I didn’t.
I’m incredibly thankful for the opportunities of the past year and beyond. I’ve gotten to know people I’d never thought I would meet, I’ve gotten to find out more about myself by doing the things I love and also a lot by doing the things I hate.
And it all started with me simply making choices to follow the things that excited me. Like following the rabbit down the rabbit hole. Little did I expect to uncover things that I never knew I’d enjoy.
For example, I know I’ve found a true love in teaching. It’s a form of expression and though I may seem serious sometimes when I teach (as told by some friends) it’s only because I’m serious when I teach.
But seriously… I love talking to people about what I care about 24/7. Either people seem to be listening or all my friends are just really good actors.
And what it is that I care about is personal strength. Not just trying to develop a stronger core or better body through Yoga. I mean really finding the part of you that holds your strength.
Who are you? Are you in acceptance of what is around you? Can you accept your shortcomings and still feel worthy?
Those are questions that move me.
I wouldn’t bring it up unless I thought it was important to me. And it’s been the backdrop of my 2013.
I’ve had so many people reflect to me in various ways their insecurities. And many times they were mine too. Those were the things that were holding me back and the worst thing was I didn’t even know.
And it took a lot out of me to take a look at them and really understand how I defined these things in my life, defined how I lived and defined how I felt about them.
Because I realised I was ignoring them, and I finally had to opportunity to face the things that were bothering me.
And I grew. I felt things I hadn’t felt since I was kid. Like literally feeling like I was a kid! With fresh eyes.. with innocence..even if for a brief moment. But I was there. I had rediscovered a path I thought I had long lost.
Who doesn’t want the joy of feeling like a kid again? The freedom from responsibility, the world of possibilities at your fingertips and just simply feeling good about life.
And it’s priceless.
I hope 2013 no matter how difficult it may have been, helped you to grow to as a person. 🙂